Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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