How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
