this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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