I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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