You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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