Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
