Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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