Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
