There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
