im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize