I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
