i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize