OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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