Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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