this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
