I wannas sexs uuuuu
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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