I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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