I'm so fucking centered right now
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
