am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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