I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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