halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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