She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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