Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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