Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
