It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
