Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
