she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
