so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
