I want to walk on stilts...naked
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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