Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
