he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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