Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's like heaven, but drunker
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
