found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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