theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
