The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
