I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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