Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
