the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
