Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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