Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
