I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found your dick twin last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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