between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
