i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize