I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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