Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
