Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
