Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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