Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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