I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
