I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
