Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
