time to smoke my breakfast
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
