Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
