Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
