What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
