Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
tell me about the eggs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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